MacRo LTD Blog

A Surreal Idea: Why Not Me for President?

One of these days a candidate will come out of nowhere at the very last minute and through a surprisingly stealth social media write-in campaign be elected President of the United States … why not now?

Rocky_4_Presidentv2.jpgFor the first time in my adult life I have not found a declared candidate for the highest office in the land (that I am aware of) who has the capability to unify a nation that is deeply divided in so many ways.

Having spent most of my adult life being a professed “junkie” of national, state and local politics, I have been known to have opinions now and then … and sometimes (more of the local nature) here on the MacRo Report Blog.

But when it comes to the upcoming Presidential election that will take place nationally on November 8, 2016, I must say that the phrase “political junkie” (as it is used in current day colloquial fashion) is just not fair to any kind of junkie!

Yes, since the Democratic and Republican conventions of this past summer the media has placed no less than 99% of its focus on just two of the candidates (I need not state their names).  And then there are two others from the Green and Libertarian parties who receive about 99% of the remaining 1%.

Typically, being the reasonable conservative that I am (that means I can carry on a civil dialogue and often reach agreement with individuals who share polar opposite views), I can find some redeeming qualities of character and political views in at least one of the major candidates seeking the highest office in the land before I cast a ballot.

This time, well … need I say more.

So, the other day I thought, “What if I just don’t have the stomach to cast a vote for any known candidate?”

Are there any other choices, I wondered?

With a bit of research, it turns out that aside from those 4, buried within the remnants of what are mere flakes of dust in the wind of media speak are another 1,897 candidates who have filed under the necessary forms (FEC Form 2) with the Federal Election Commission who also seek the office of President!

Go figure!  Really?

I quickly reviewed the list and found that there are over 80 different political parties listed, not counting those who list unaffiliated, unknown, none or independent.  Consider some of the more unique and lesser known entities:

  • Ace Party
  • Alaskan Independence Party
  • American People’s Freedom Party
  • BS Party
  • Citizens’ Party
  • Commandments Party
  • Communist Party
  • DOG Party
  • George Wallace Party
  • Jewish/Christian National party
  • Natural Law Party
  • Peace and Freedom Party
  • People Over Politics Party
  • Prohibition Party
  • La Raza Unida Party
  • Socialist Equality Party
  • Taxpayers Party
  • Theo-Dem Party

This list is interesting enough and it is reasonable to consider that the diversity of the nation will spur on a variety of affiliations … but what about candidates?  Any names that may be familiar?

Believe it or not, it seems that at least ten percent of the candidates filed under truly off the wall names.  Here are just a few:

  • Coffee and Donuts
  • Soul Bunny
  • Cobra Commander
  • Megatron The D-23
  • Luther T. The Merciless Lieutenant Ridiculous Warlord Stock
  • Barack Obama Mandela
  • Cracked Fourpounder
  • Vladimir Putin
  • The Ghost of Christmas Present MMXV
  • Foot Cheese
  • Yoda
  • Zorro the Cockroach
  • Jimmy “Rent Is Too Damn High” McMillan
  • Taylor Swift
  • KC Matzo Balls
  • Banana for President
  • Tronald Dump
  • Doctor Pepper
  • Normal McAverage
  • This is Fake
  • Mickey Mouse
  • Why So Many Trolls
  • Blue Hair Guy
  • Forrest Gump
  • Frosty Chicken
  • Cranky Pants
  • Bill Clinton
  • Cookie Zealot
  • Bippy the Clown
  • Ronald Reagan’s Ghost
  • Underage Candidate
  • Buddy the Elf
  • Jack Sparrow

… and seriously, the list goes on and on!  I did find in some of these cases, even though their names are still on the list, the FEC does have letters on file notifying a few candidates that their names cannot be verified! Comforting.

Clearly, there is not enough time left to research all these names.  So, even though there are actually four candidates using the name “Rocky” (including “Rocky Balboa”), I began to think that maybe for the heck of it I should throw my name in the mix …. Hmmm, should I file?  Am I qualified?

Well, I’m born and raised in the US, lived here all my life and 32 years beyond the minimum age of 35 as established by the US Constitution.  I’ve never lost $900 million dollars, been sued, engaged in locker room talk with Billy Bush on a bus … and I have never deleted 33,000 emails considered confidential (with a capital “C”) from any server.

What about a platform? Really, who needs a platform … all one needs to do now-a-days is just put down the other candidate!

So, why not?

Am I serious, you ask?  Absolutely NOT!

But for that matter who is a serious Presidential candidate this year?

The bigger question is:  Would any one of the 1,901 candidates who have filed with the FEC be serious, if elected?

Clearly, it is too late to get my name on the ballot in any voting district; so can I mount a nation-wide write in campaign over the next few weeks to beat out the likes of Buddy the Elf, Megatron, Tronald Dump or even … Hillary Clinton?

What do you think?

So, just for kicks, it is with a heavy heart that I announce my candidacy for the President of the United States of America.

If I were elected … well, I guess I would have to be serious.

It’s up to you, our loyal readers to spread the word through the world wide web of social media!

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Rocky Mackintosh, President, MacRo, Ltd., a Land and Commercial Real Estate firm based in Frederick, Maryland. He has been an active member of the Frederick, Maryland community for over four decades. He has served as chairman of the board of Frederick Memorial Hospital and as a member of the Frederick County Charter Board from 2010 to 2012.  He currently serves as chairman of the board of Frederick Mutual Insurance Company. Established in 1843, it is one of the longest enduring businesses in Frederick County.


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